Trekkies launch photon torpedo into Viacom compound.

by Steven Calcote

New York, New York, December 24, 1996--A group of Trekkies, or "Trekkers," as the Star Trek fans prefer to be called, destroyed a substantial portion of the Viacom world headquarters earlier today using a type of technology that most believe hasn't been invented yet.

Rick Berman, executive producer of the Next Generation and Voyager television shows, both Viacom (Paramount) properties, expressed bafflement at the use of the advanced but environmentally friendly future technology: "how this group of enthusiasts got their hands on classified Star Fleet materials remains a mystery. I mean, the access codes to the blueprints of that technology won't even be handed out for another few hundred years."

A leader of the Trekkie fringe group admitting responsiblity for the terrorist act explained that [name of group given in language reported as Klingon] regretted the destruction of Viacom but felt the loss of life was of little consequence, chiefly occuring in decks 6-20 of the facility--lawyers stations. The leader [name not given] explained that the great Klingon poet had prophesied their act of liberation for Star Trek fan Web sites when he spoke some 500 years ago the command to "kill all the lawyers."